I’m sure you’re pretty busy doing important presidential stuff* and whatnot, but none of the other world leaders I’ve written to have taken the time to respond to my emails, phone calls and sexy postcards. It’s like, come on Nicolas Sarkozy, you think just because you’re French or whatever you don’t need to respond to the threatening emails people send you on a daily basis? PLEASE.

But I digress. My point is this: Is there a name for those plastic things on the end of shoelaces? I asked my friend T-Bone (we call him T-Bone because his real name is Gary), and he was all what are you doing in my bedroom oh god put down the knife and blah blah blah and anyway I kind of stopped listening after that. So if you could answer my question that’d be great. I would try to google it myself, but it’s super hectic over here since I’ve been doing a whole lot of community service** lately. 

Thanks buddy!

-Rob

* I assume that means mostly judging wet t-shirt contests and rolling around in a pile of thousand dollar bills. 

** Heroin.