Put that back. You don't know where it's been.

Anonymous asked: Yo dude, not a question, just a heads up...

@simonkingesq is stealing your tweets... I didn't feel like mentioning you on Twitter, so I found you here.

Thanks for having my back, Anonymous. Nothing upsets me more than racists, the British, and people who steal tweets. As far as I know, @simonkingesq is ALL THREE. The worst part is that in one of my tweets he posted, he changed “James Franco” to “Eric Pickles”. “Who the heck is Eric Pickles?!” I wondered. A British politician, it turns out.  But I had to look him up on Wikipedia, and I will NEVER forgive @simonkingesq for that.

Anyway, I wish I could thank you personally, but you know, the whole anonymity thing. I understand your reasons for it, of course. You assumed that if I knew who you were, I’d track you down and give you back the cursed monkey’s paw you gave me all those years ago, knowing the pain it has brought anyone who happens to be unfortunate enough to be in possession of it. You know me all too well, Anonymous. You know me all too well.