December 2009
19 posts
The hospital staff never figured out how he was...
Sentences that should never end with "in the...
paulewogblog:
baileygenine:
I just took the best nap.
This wifi is terrible.
Could you quit poking me?
I’m amazed by all of the wildlife.
Could you hand me the remote?
My doctor was late for my appointment with him.
Sorry I can’t make your Christmas dinner.
I got so drunk last night.
I made you cookies.
I had a great time with your mom.
These jeans are so uncomfortable.
Don’t do...
1 tag
Answering a question asked to me by the great...
You have no evidence of nose hair, how do you do it? by carrmah
I wouldn’t think nose hair would be a problem for someone with no nostrils. However, if you think I have some sort of secret nose hair remedy, I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you. You see, the reason my photo is cropped that way is because I have something to hide. Many things in fact. If you were able to...
1 tag
formspring.me
Does Sarah Palin know anything more about Russia today than she did last year?
Honestly, I can’t say that she has. She’s taken my 200-hour course NINE times already and she still can’t pass the test. I mean, I guess it might help if *I* learn a thing or two about Russia before teaching a class on it, but in this economy you gotta do what you...
1 tag
formspring.me
Your forehead is also pleasing to the eye.
Ok, also not a question. Nevertheless, it’s worth noting that I was in a horrible industrial accident that gives my forehead the delightful glow you see in my picture. On a side note, that gigantic vat of some type of mysterious substance in the Doritos factory? Yeah. Don’t jump into it.
you are captain of a pirate ship. what is its names?...
My first bit of Formspringery
“You have perfect eyebrows.”
Uh, thank you, anonymous-person-who-is-definitely-not-me. Also, that’s not a question. But, I shall try to respond as best I can: These eyebrows are the direct result of millions of years of evolution, coupled with some very advanced genetic engineering and also a little handcrafting by God Himself. Yes, some might say they are flawless, but I submit...
Ok, I'm jumping on the Formspring bandwagon →
See, If I had done it two days ago it would have been totally lame. Instead, I waited until today when it’s gotten so lame it’s actually cool again. I’m awesome.
Ask something.
So... this exists. →
I know I’m late to this but it turns out Josh Allen* is just about the greatest writer of our generation, and The House of Wigs has become pretty much my favorite thing ever.
*I can call you “Josh” right? Awesome. Thanks, Josh.
Maybe Twitter was Just an App for Farvd?
plaidlemur:
So, a whale and a cock walk into a bar, and everybody ends up dying because whales can’t walk very well.
Aww man. First Favrd, and now ‘Farvd’ is gone too? What a crappy day.
2 tags
Clearly I have no idea what I'm doing.
But my Tumblarity’s up, so my plan to read all your posts out loud in a fake British accent while wearing a top hat and monocle has obviously paid off!
1 tag
cravenheart:
When I post something and it gets reblogged then it gets all kinds of likes, I always wonder: are you guys liking ME, or the jerk who reblogged it? It’s a mystery!
Clearly YOU’RE the one receiving all the likes in this scenario, and only posted that so you could rub it in my face.
You clever bastard.
When I reblog someone and it gets all kinds of likes, I always wonder: are you guys liking ME, or the jerk who wrote the first post? It’s a mystery!
(Please like me.)
(I’m desperate for attention awesome.)
DENIAL
cravenheart:
A certain Tumbly fellow has cast aspersions against my GOOD name. This…CREATURE has told the world we are having a love child and that HE is carrying it.
To put the record straight: Yes, there is a love child. But I AM carrying it.
You said I could robisanevilgenius, you said It was my turn.
I can’t tell you how hard I laughed at this. You, cravenheart, are the master....
Probably the hardest part of learning to...