December 2011
1 post
2 tags
September 2011
1 post
2 tags
August 2011
1 post
Anonymous asked: Yo dude, not a question, just a heads up...
@simonkingesq is stealing your tweets... I didn't feel like mentioning you on Twitter, so I found you here.
@simonkingesq is stealing your tweets... I didn't feel like mentioning you on Twitter, so I found you here.
July 2011
1 post
June 2011
1 post
May 2011
1 post
2 tags
April 2011
2 posts
2 tags
2 tags
March 2011
2 posts
February 2011
5 posts
Note to self: write something profound here before...
I’m a man of few words. Mainly these ones: hatred, spite, insecurity, waffles.
Still, I believe I’ve learned a thing or two about LIFE and the freaking HUMAN CONDITION during my time in this crazy world, so I decided to compile everything I know into this post, which I call ADVICE FOR PEOPLE NAMED “KEITH”. So here you go, Keiths:
‘Sup dudes! How are things? Not...
2 tags
Valentine's Day is hard if you're single, but it's...
January 2011
3 posts
My favorite part of the State of the Union was...
Are people still doing this??
Say these words:
...
December 2010
6 posts
REMEMBER: When you sleep with someone, you're...
(If you go to the same kind of parties I do or have ever responded to one of my ads on Craigslist.)
An Open Letter to The Guy Who Wrote The Lyrics to...
Dear Sir,
First of all, I’d like to thank you for writing this song, and in doing so ensuring that there would be five different Christmas songs instead of four for artists to perform thousands of different cover versions of and my local radio station to play over and over again until I finally march down to the nearest sporting goods store to inquire whether I have to buy the whole box of...
1 tag
3 tags
November 2010
2 posts
I'm Retiring From Tumblr
londoings:
No offense to Tumblr, but I just don’t seem to have the time to do it. Hopefully everyone can find me on Twitter or Facebook, until I inevitably drop out of those too out of general annoyance. Or, my e-mail and stuff is at the top of my page. Also, I think I would make a fantastic pen pal, and I would like a reason to purchase and use some classy stationary, so you can request to...
September 2010
5 posts
An excerpt from my novel, This One Day a Bunch of Stuff Happens to the Main Character but at the End Everything Totally Works Out Even Though It Doesn’t Look That Way During Most of the Story.
I’m still working on the title.
Chapter 1
Hollywood. If New York is the city that never sleeps, this is the city that stays up for days at a time, wired from the combination of Red Bull, espresso and...
I hate when you go to make a call but get that weird tone because you’re on your office phone and you forgot to dial 9 for an outside line, so you try dialing again but then can’t remember whether you need to dial 9 plus 1 and then the area code, or if you can just dial the seven digit number but by then the guy who was choking already passed out so you just go back to looking...
londoings-deactivated20110626 asked: Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about walking on a homey forest trail and whistling a delightful tune, and hearing it, friendly woodland creatures unexpectedly reveal themselves to me (by reveal themselves I mean come out of hiding, not what Aunt Trudy did that one time at Subway), they dance around me, birds land on my shoulders and sing along, and everything is having a glorious time, but...
August 2010
7 posts
Carl
I stared up into the sky, utterly amazed at the sheer beauty of it all, suddenly certain that there was something out there; that we’re not alone. Like, in the universe or whatever.
Aliens, I thought. Trippy.
I wondered how many of them there were.
I bet there’s one named Carl, I thought.
His alien friends all probably make fun of him for it though, because most of them have...
It's true that there's no use beating a dead...
It was just a stupid fight with my roommate, but...
Dear President Obama,
I’m sure you’re pretty busy doing important presidential stuff* and whatnot, but none of the other world leaders I’ve written to have taken the time to respond to my emails, phone calls and sexy postcards. It’s like, come on Nicolas Sarkozy, you think just because you’re French or whatever you don’t need to respond to the threatening emails people send you on a...
July 2010
1 post
1 tag
“Whoa boy that girl is attractive. If she were my girlfriend, or if we lived in a society where women were considered things and not actual human beings, and thus would not have agency or free will of their own, I would totally do some stuff to her, like, you know, lady parts and stuff, although I’m not really sure of the mechanics of everything since my dad never signed the permission...
June 2010
1 post
May 2010
3 posts
Honesty is the best policy. Except for when it...
1 tag
April 2010
14 posts
This is why I hate Hollywood. I never thought it'd...
